As of writing this post, I am officially 36 weeks pregnant. Feels like I am 41 weeks and due any minute. A woman at work whom I don’t know, actually said to me last week “I saw you walking down the hall and it really looks as if you are ready pop.” Jeez, thanks. The waddle is in full effect.
I think I am more anxious the second time around than with Liv. I know what to sort of expect; I know every birth is different, every baby is different, but from a high level perspective, I know what I am in for. Getting 8 hours of sleep in 1-2 hour increments; all the super sexy parts of post-birth (I AM super pumped for these super soft granny panties I got though, ha, it’s the little things); the challenges of nursing & always wondering if your baby is getting enough to eat; the fact my boobs will not be mine until I stop nursing; can I make it a year again? I do love the porn star boobs that come along with nursing though. Just saying.
And now, I have a whole new set of nerves – how will I ever make enough time or space in my heart for 2 babies? How will my love and attention for Liv change? How will I get ready for work in the morning? What will maternity leave be like this time? We are keeping our nanny, however not working for 3 months will I feel mommy pressure to see Liv more and go to her classes, exhausted, zombie-eyed and with a newborn on my boob? Wow, sounds glorious. Will I be excited to go back to work like last time? What will baby boy be like? Will he have colic like Liv? What will Liv be like as an older sibling? The part of me that is totally naive thinks she will be great – she takes direction well, is gentle and adores her “fox and lovie” wrapping them up like a baby all. Day. long.
These are just a fraction of thoughts swarming my brain. The one thing I honestly don’t ever have to worry about or think about is my husband. He is hands on, present, available, loving, kind and so more knowledgeable than I am on parenting-related topics. I remember our first night in the hospital with Liv like it was yesterday. I remember waking from a catnap at 3am, full on panic that I didn’t hear my crying baby. I look over and she is sound asleep, swaddled, laying on daddy’s chest while he is awake, reading “Brain Rules for Baby” on his iPad. I knew from that day forward just what kind of dad he would be and my heart never felt more full.
Along with all these anxious feelings come excitement and utter joy. I am beyond excited to grow our family; to see his squishy face for the first time; to see Jon hold his son for the first time; to see Liv’s reaction at her baby brother; to hold him for the first time as they pull him out and plop him on my chest (I am praying this happens and nothing medically complicated prevents this); to feel his hand grip my finger; to look into his eyes; to have some quiet time in the hospital, just the three of us; to have him meet his Yia, Thia and extended family.
As I love my lists, I do have a running to-do list of things we need to get done before he comes. Normal items like install the car seat, pack all of our bags, pre-wash baby clothes, pull out all the baby toys/board books from Liv’s playroom, (luckily these few things Halima can help with). And then a few extravagant treats: schedule weekly massage until he comes, bikini wax appt (tmi but come on! This one is a must mamas!!), mani/pedi, a few date nights, a few mama/Liv dates. And relax. As much as possible. 🙂
And I haven’t even touched on how stressed I am at work; I want to leave my responsibilities in an organized fashion; deals and shopping centers in good places with forward momentum. It’s really hard to balance this headspace of excitement and nerves for the little guy all while trying to GSD over the next few weeks.
Any advice as I near the end? (or the beginning?)
**As first appeared in Rockette Women